Taking life with a grain of salt,... accompanied by a large margarita

   It's been a while since I blogged, and most everyone knows what has happened to me since my last post. In short, my asshole husband decided to up and have a mid-life crisis. First of all, he hit me with it on Mother's Day...my very first one as a REAL gen-u-wine mom, thank you very much! I went through about 48 hours of non-stop crying and trying to figure out "why?", then I sort of made peace with it, stopped wanting him to change his mind and come back, and decided that my boys and I will be okay,... just maybe even better. I was strong. I was resourceful. I was kidding myself.
   The 2nd wave hit me when I found out that yes, he was already seeing other women and that's probably why he left me. The 3rd when we were at the attorney's office filing the papers. I just wanted to be alone for a while so I could have a good cry and get it all out. When I was alone, I found myself too angry to cry...then too depressed. Too depressed to cry? Wow, I never knew that level of apathy even existed, but I seriously just wanted to lie on the gorgeous new leather sofa I bought (to replace the crappy old one that he took when he moved out) and do nothing. Lucky for me, I have some great friends who have made a point of keeping me from becoming one with the sofa. Going to see funny chick-flicks, drinking happy hour watermelon margaritas, planning beach vacations...all a part of my new life. A life I never thought I would have...being single at 46.
   I have one very best friend who has been my inspiration, my amazing mom. She has sent me card after card, called me at least once a day, and reminded me of the long line of strong women whose blood is coursing through my veins. My mom is the strongest woman I know. She married my dad young and was a stay-at-home-mom who took good care of us, and though she didn't go to college, it was very important to her and my dad that I did. When I walked across the stage and got my Bachelor's degree she knew that I could take care of myself. When my dad died suddenly, 19 years ago, she took a computer class at the local college and got a job. When she got breast cancer, she kept a positive attitiude and never missed a day of work. I could give more examples, but you get the idea. Tough cookie.
   Now it's my turn. As I raise these boys, with the goal of teaching them to become men who respect women, I have to be strong. I will be fine, even if I have to keep reminding myself of that...often. Thanks to my parents never letting me think that college was optional, I have a career so that I make enough to provide for my little family and keep my house. And speaking of keeping a house or house-keeping, I never, ever, ever have to clean up a nasty man-bathroom again! And I will teach my boys to clean up after themselves, someday their wives will appreciate me for that.
   Right now, I just don't have it in me to be as strong as I need to. I just feel tired and as the song goes "my give a damn's busted". I need to find that spark in me and make it burn big as a bonfire. I'm not sure what it will take to ignite it. I'm planning a beach trip with a few skinny friends, so you would think that would inspire this fat chick to get off the couch and get going. But no. I feel like I just want to sleep for 3 days, but when I lay down, I can't stay asleep for 3 hours. So, that's kind of where I am right now.
   I've received so many sweet messages from caring strong women who believe in me, and yes, I know that what they are saying is true. Time does heal, life goes on, things will get better and karma is a bitch (he WILL get his!) I promise that I will lose the blues and my next post will be more happy and shiny :) Just gotta put on my big girl panties and deal with it!