Yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but most of them need thrown back in to grow a little more!

It's been about a year since I blogged- wow! how the time has flown! So here's the dilly-o (and why does saying that instantly make me hungry for a dilly bar from Dairy Queen?! that's an ice cream treat for all of you not fortunate enough to live in the south) Anyway, ADD aside... A word of wisdom for all you married girls, if you've got a guy who's a real king, don't shuffle the deck cause you might end up with a real joker! Good guys are few and far between, trust me. I started dating again last October and have gone out with a lot of guys, so I speak from experience. The world of dating has changed drastically since the last time I was single, which was almost 2 decades ago! Back then we didn't have online dating or texting or pretty much even use home computers or cell phones. If you are going to be single and dating be prepared to spend a LOT of time on social technology! Here's a few things I learned along the way:
1. Guys have, for the most part, not evolved much since high school. I know there are exceptions, but the vast majority of them are still of the mindset to get drunk a lot and sleep with a lot of girls. No commitments, just beer and sex.  They ALL WANT to be your "friend with benefits"...every. last.one.of. them. And they still play the "let's go out and I'll say I'm gonna call you but I'll wait 3 days to call so you worry a little " game.  First lesson: Boys play games, men do not. Word.
2. Online dating makes it even more difficult because there are so many options out there that you would have never known about if not for the internet. Seriously, if a date doesn't just have fireworks going off all over the place, the first thing you're gonna do when you get home from that date is check the dating site for messages from future potential dates. So rarely do you even get a chance to really know someone well. I'm as guilty as the guys were. We are all wondering- is this the best I can do? Is there someone I'm even more compatible with?
3. The biggest reason that things don't work? The math is all wrong. I will explain. Most of my single girlfriends say they have a "5 date rule"and don't "give up the cookie" if you know what I mean, until the 5th date. But one of my guy friends who is single told me that if a girl doesn't give it up by the 3rd date, she's outta there. See, the math doesn't add up. It all seems pretty hopeless right?!
4. Online dating is a HUGE ego-booster! I actually went out with a couple of younger guys who were hot enough to be Calvin Klein models! And was shocked that they wanted to go out with me. Who knew!? Apparently this whole "cougar" thing has mass appeal...although I really hate that word and kind of think it has a bad connotation. But a lot of the younger guys seem to zero in on the fact that you have a good job and nice house and want you to be their sugar-momma....I already have 2 boy children of my own, and am not about to take on a man-child, even if he does have 6-pack abs and strong muscular arms and a sexy smile and eyes that .....oh, where was I going with that? Oh yeah- so a BIG thanks to my ex-husband for leaving me and opening the door for me to go out with guys ten times better-looking than him! woot woot!
5. Most guys are honest about themselves on their profiles. A few of them exaggerated a little on how tall they are, but overall, men seem to be more honest in describing themselves. Several of them told me stories about women lying about their age and posting pictures that were 20 yrs old! What these women were trying to achieve I don't understand. I mean they're gonna figure it out when you go meet them. So really, what's the point in being dishonest?
I have made a lot of friends over the past year, dates that just didn't quite mesh, some that did but the timing just seemed to be off. I've learned that I'm way too trusting and naive,and think that just because I'm honest that everyone is and that's usually not true. I've definitely learned that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! A year ago I wanted to crawl under a rock and die,and now I'm stronger than ever! I've learned not to be the woman who needs a man, but to be the woman that a man needs. Desperation is a huge turn-off, and they can sense it even if you think you're hiding it well...trust me, you're not. I've also learned that I really am fine without a man in my life because the most important boys in my life are my amazing kids! And that just when you think, "hey I'm kind of enjoying being single and don't know if I ever want to be serious about anyone"...well, that's just when someone does come around that wants to love and adore you and make you fall in love...dammit. UPDATE: Let me clarify, cause I've got a lot of messages on facebook, wondering if that meant that my boyfriend and I broke up- No, we are together and happy! I just meant the "dammit" because that means having to break down that fortress you built around your heart to protect it. Brick by brick, it's coming down,... making you vulnerable, and trust is a very difficult thing to have when you have been through what I have. But yes, I do want to find true love, that is the end goal for me!
ps- I have no idea why it is backlighting from #5 down. It's annoying my very OCD soul to the core and I've tried to fix it but can't figure it out....dammit again!
pss- my good friend Scarlet, who has seen pictures of both my ex and some of the guys I've gone out with, corrected me today....some of them have been about 50 times hotter than the ex!! LOL...true, so true!
psss- I know it's supposed to be pps and ppps, but I don't like that and I'm a rebel :)

Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History- Jill Conner Browne of the Sweet Potato Queens

"Heeeeeyycuteshoestellyamommahi!" The classic greeting of a Sweet Potato Queen. If you have not heard of these infamous women who reside in Jackson, Mississippi, you need to acquaint yourself with them here and now. Especially if you are a woman over the age of, oh.. let's say 40-ish, and more especially, if you are a Southern gal. There are several books written by Jill Conner Browne, the lead Queen and one of my idols. The SPQ are all about making your own fun, hence the silly costumes they wear. Who wouldn't like to dress up like someone else for a day and just let loose?! It all began with a St. Patrick's Day parade many years ago and a few ladies who appointed themselves queens of that parade because like Jill said, in the words of Suzanne Sugarbaker, "There is just nothing better than riding in a convertible with a tiara on your head." Through the years, the SPQ have gotten quite a following, groupies called Wannabee's and even Wannabee Wannabee's, to the point that the annual parade draws tens of thousands of people from all over now. They all come to see these ladies (in their green-sequined and amply augmented dresses, pink drum-majorette boots and silk gloves, and big-haired red wigs) get out there and shake what their mommas gave 'em! The books are an easy fun read, but be warned, you WILL find yourself laughing out loud! I personally have passed my copies of them on to 6 or 7 friends, cousins, aunts, and my mom, and am currently re-reading them for the ?nth time.  The Queens believe in eating as an art form and that pretty much anything is better with bacon in it. All of their books contain a section of "death-defying" recipes that sound sinfully good. I must say that I did not know until I read it, that you can boil an ENTIRE can of sweetened condensed milk to caramelize it, but you do have to be careful that it doesn't explode! They also have lots of great advice about men, funny stories, tips on getting that Queenly look, and the how-to on "lolling about"-the official activity of the SPQ.  Oh, and the info on how to order Fat Mama's Knock You Naked Margaritas! So now you  know... who wrote the book of love....that is, "The Sweet Potato Queen's Book of Love".

Taking life with a grain of salt,... accompanied by a large margarita

   It's been a while since I blogged, and most everyone knows what has happened to me since my last post. In short, my asshole husband decided to up and have a mid-life crisis. First of all, he hit me with it on Mother's Day...my very first one as a REAL gen-u-wine mom, thank you very much! I went through about 48 hours of non-stop crying and trying to figure out "why?", then I sort of made peace with it, stopped wanting him to change his mind and come back, and decided that my boys and I will be okay,... just maybe even better. I was strong. I was resourceful. I was kidding myself.
   The 2nd wave hit me when I found out that yes, he was already seeing other women and that's probably why he left me. The 3rd when we were at the attorney's office filing the papers. I just wanted to be alone for a while so I could have a good cry and get it all out. When I was alone, I found myself too angry to cry...then too depressed. Too depressed to cry? Wow, I never knew that level of apathy even existed, but I seriously just wanted to lie on the gorgeous new leather sofa I bought (to replace the crappy old one that he took when he moved out) and do nothing. Lucky for me, I have some great friends who have made a point of keeping me from becoming one with the sofa. Going to see funny chick-flicks, drinking happy hour watermelon margaritas, planning beach vacations...all a part of my new life. A life I never thought I would have...being single at 46.
   I have one very best friend who has been my inspiration, my amazing mom. She has sent me card after card, called me at least once a day, and reminded me of the long line of strong women whose blood is coursing through my veins. My mom is the strongest woman I know. She married my dad young and was a stay-at-home-mom who took good care of us, and though she didn't go to college, it was very important to her and my dad that I did. When I walked across the stage and got my Bachelor's degree she knew that I could take care of myself. When my dad died suddenly, 19 years ago, she took a computer class at the local college and got a job. When she got breast cancer, she kept a positive attitiude and never missed a day of work. I could give more examples, but you get the idea. Tough cookie.
   Now it's my turn. As I raise these boys, with the goal of teaching them to become men who respect women, I have to be strong. I will be fine, even if I have to keep reminding myself of that...often. Thanks to my parents never letting me think that college was optional, I have a career so that I make enough to provide for my little family and keep my house. And speaking of keeping a house or house-keeping, I never, ever, ever have to clean up a nasty man-bathroom again! And I will teach my boys to clean up after themselves, someday their wives will appreciate me for that.
   Right now, I just don't have it in me to be as strong as I need to. I just feel tired and as the song goes "my give a damn's busted". I need to find that spark in me and make it burn big as a bonfire. I'm not sure what it will take to ignite it. I'm planning a beach trip with a few skinny friends, so you would think that would inspire this fat chick to get off the couch and get going. But no. I feel like I just want to sleep for 3 days, but when I lay down, I can't stay asleep for 3 hours. So, that's kind of where I am right now.
   I've received so many sweet messages from caring strong women who believe in me, and yes, I know that what they are saying is true. Time does heal, life goes on, things will get better and karma is a bitch (he WILL get his!) I promise that I will lose the blues and my next post will be more happy and shiny :) Just gotta put on my big girl panties and deal with it!

Decorating the Holga

While exploring the Holga community online, I soon learned that half the fun of owning a Holga is personalizing it. I've seen pics where people did everything from paint their Holga's to putting zebra fake fur on them! You know, I'm always up for decorating pretty much anything, but didn't want to make any permanent changes to my camera. My solution- something that is very me, eclectic, girly and a reminder of why I got this thing in the first place...memory charms. I gathered memorabilia from my scrapbook embellishments, broken pieces of jewlery, earrings that were missing their mate, tiny shells, beads, and a couple of charms I loved from the "Industrial Chic" collection of steampunk style charms at Michael's. Here are the results:

 I added a rustic kind of chain from Michael's for the neckstrap, a turquoise pendant from a broken necklace, a bird charm that was once an earring, a prayer box, a jeweled charm, and a couple of engraved tokens and washers that say "Artful" and "Enjoy". I used little ball chains and safety pins to attach things and added a few crystal beads to up the girly factor.

On this side, I added little tin angel wings, a vintage button, a couple of shells, a bird charm from a necklace, and a few other beads.  All my charms remind me of the things I love: vintage stuff, the beach, vacations to New Mexico and Arizona, my faith, art, and singing birds!  I will probably bling it up a little with some adhesive crystals too.I'm sure that I will continue to add to it as I find more things that remind me of family times and the great memories I have from my very blessed life.

My newest hobby...like I really needed another one!

I recently became fascinated with lomography, taking photos with old-school cameras that give your pics a cool, artsy spin. I bought a Holga, the iconic style of camera used for this, and a fast-action camera that takes 4 pics in 1 second, with just one push of the button, and divides the picture into quarters. I also purchased some really great KOLA filters (Kolor of Life, not sure what the A is for) that you can place in front of the lens to tint your pics different colors, like these:

Step back in time with me and remember the time when you had to send your film off to be developed, relying on the good ol' U.S.Postal Service not to lose your precious images and get them to their destination in a timely manner. Back then, you had NO idea what your pictures were going to look like or even IF they would turn out. Did you forget to take off the lens cap? Would someone be blinking in the family shot? Or worse...making bunny ears behind someone's head! It's actually kind of fun going back to that sort of uncertainty. I had never shot with 120 film and got pretty spoiled in this digital age. This type of film and camera are interesting because you can purposely make double-exposure shots by just not rolling the film advance wheel all the way. My camera doesn't have a flash, so all I've taken are outdoor shots, but can see that I will probably be purchasing the flash to fit it in the near future. So the first roll I shot has been sent and I got back the email showing me the pics (didn't have THAT luxury in the 70's and 80's now did we?!). The result: some really cool double-exposed pics of the white roses climbing the trellis in our back yard and a couple of shots of my baby son eating a popsicle. They turned out just as I hoped, perfectly imperfect, with an artsy, retro feel!  Can't wait to see how the next roll turns out. I took them downtown where there is some cool old architecture. Of course, they may not turn out at all, the waiting is the hardest part!

 

Memories unknown

I recently started collecting vintage cameras, because 1. I want to use them to decorate my scrapbook room and 2. I dig old vintage stuff!   So far I've purchased 3 old Kodak cameras that date back to the 1920's through the 1940's. What is really awesome to me about the cameras, is imagining what pictures they might have taken over almost the last century. Did they capture the beauty of the American national parks or travel abroad and once photograph the Eiffel Tower? Were some of the black and white pictures ones that would rival those of Ansel Adams? Imagine the fabulous fashions and interesting characters they might have seen in those decades gone by! Did a family once own this and have to sell it, to afford to live during the depression? Did it capture the joyous return of a soldier to his sweetheart after WWII? Or maybe their subject was a glamorous pin-up girl. The possibilities are endless, but whatever the reality is, I think it's nice to have a piece of history....whoever that history belonged to.

Below are some pics of my cameras, a 1926 Kodak No. 2 Model B, a 1946 Kodak Brownie Target Six-20, and a 1949 Kodak Brownie Hawkeye.

Spring-ing forward with the new scrapbook room!

  Anyone who knows me, knows I love decorating and I love scrapbooking, so when I can combine these 2 passions...look out world!  Since my stepdaughter is almost 18 and never comes over to spend the night anymore, I decided to turn her room into my new scrapbook room. Don't worry, it will still have a daybed incase she decides she wants to spend some time with us, and for our guests. I had a little scrapbook nook in the laundry room, but laundry baskets kept getting in my way of being able to actually use that space. And with the crazy winter we have had, I decided that space was better suited for a desperately-needed mud room.

   I knew that I wanted to paint it lime green, a color with energy to inspire creativity. Have you ever tried to find a lime green paint that you can live with? Not easy, but I finally decided on a color called "green apple". To break it up and tone it down a bit, I'm going to paint 2 fairly large vertical rectangles on the wall, about 3' x 4' and paint them a chocolate brown. I'm going to have the husband cut some wood trim to frame out the rectangles, so they are more like art spaces, and paint the trim as well.   Inside the art spaces, I have little mirrored butterfly wall decals to randomly space and am also going to use my Cricut to cut some wall decal words out of vinyl. I'm thinking "Create" and "Beauty" will aptly sum it up.

   As I said, I'm going with a daybed and have found the perfect fabrics for some great throw pillows which I'm going to dress up with some funky pom-pom trims and rick-rack. I got all 5 pieces of fabric at Wal Mart for $14- what a steal! I'm trying to recycle and reuse as much as I can, so I'm just cutting down the bedspread that is already in there and is only a year old anyway. I can also use some of the wall art that it currently in the room and the dressmaker's model with the girly tulle tutu, which I love.  So here's a sneak peek at the fabrics and paint color that are my color-inspiration, can't wait to finish the room and show you the rest!