It's been about a year since I blogged- wow! how the time has flown! So here's the dilly-o (and why does saying that instantly make me hungry for a dilly bar from Dairy Queen?! that's an ice cream treat for all of you not fortunate enough to live in the south) Anyway, ADD aside... A word of wisdom for all you married girls, if you've got a guy who's a real king, don't shuffle the deck cause you might end up with a real joker! Good guys are few and far between, trust me. I started dating again last October and have gone out with a lot of guys, so I speak from experience. The world of dating has changed drastically since the last time I was single, which was almost 2 decades ago! Back then we didn't have online dating or texting or pretty much even use home computers or cell phones. If you are going to be single and dating be prepared to spend a LOT of time on social technology! Here's a few things I learned along the way:
1. Guys have, for the most part, not evolved much since high school. I know there are exceptions, but the vast majority of them are still of the mindset to get drunk a lot and sleep with a lot of girls. No commitments, just beer and sex. They ALL WANT to be your "friend with benefits"...every. last.one.of. them. And they still play the "let's go out and I'll say I'm gonna call you but I'll wait 3 days to call so you worry a little " game. First lesson: Boys play games, men do not. Word.
2. Online dating makes it even more difficult because there are so many options out there that you would have never known about if not for the internet. Seriously, if a date doesn't just have fireworks going off all over the place, the first thing you're gonna do when you get home from that date is check the dating site for messages from future potential dates. So rarely do you even get a chance to really know someone well. I'm as guilty as the guys were. We are all wondering- is this the best I can do? Is there someone I'm even more compatible with?
3. The biggest reason that things don't work? The math is all wrong. I will explain. Most of my single girlfriends say they have a "5 date rule"and don't "give up the cookie" if you know what I mean, until the 5th date. But one of my guy friends who is single told me that if a girl doesn't give it up by the 3rd date, she's outta there. See, the math doesn't add up. It all seems pretty hopeless right?!
4. Online dating is a HUGE ego-booster! I actually went out with a couple of younger guys who were hot enough to be Calvin Klein models! And was shocked that they wanted to go out with me. Who knew!? Apparently this whole "cougar" thing has mass appeal...although I really hate that word and kind of think it has a bad connotation. But a lot of the younger guys seem to zero in on the fact that you have a good job and nice house and want you to be their sugar-momma....I already have 2 boy children of my own, and am not about to take on a man-child, even if he does have 6-pack abs and strong muscular arms and a sexy smile and eyes that .....oh, where was I going with that? Oh yeah- so a BIG thanks to my ex-husband for leaving me and opening the door for me to go out with guys ten times better-looking than him! woot woot!
5. Most guys are honest about themselves on their profiles. A few of them exaggerated a little on how tall they are, but overall, men seem to be more honest in describing themselves. Several of them told me stories about women lying about their age and posting pictures that were 20 yrs old! What these women were trying to achieve I don't understand. I mean they're gonna figure it out when you go meet them. So really, what's the point in being dishonest?
I have made a lot of friends over the past year, dates that just didn't quite mesh, some that did but the timing just seemed to be off. I've learned that I'm way too trusting and naive,and think that just because I'm honest that everyone is and that's usually not true. I've definitely learned that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! A year ago I wanted to crawl under a rock and die,and now I'm stronger than ever! I've learned not to be the woman who needs a man, but to be the woman that a man needs. Desperation is a huge turn-off, and they can sense it even if you think you're hiding it well...trust me, you're not. I've also learned that I really am fine without a man in my life because the most important boys in my life are my amazing kids! And that just when you think, "hey I'm kind of enjoying being single and don't know if I ever want to be serious about anyone"...well, that's just when someone does come around that wants to love and adore you and make you fall in love...dammit. UPDATE: Let me clarify, cause I've got a lot of messages on facebook, wondering if that meant that my boyfriend and I broke up- No, we are together and happy! I just meant the "dammit" because that means having to break down that fortress you built around your heart to protect it. Brick by brick, it's coming down,... making you vulnerable, and trust is a very difficult thing to have when you have been through what I have. But yes, I do want to find true love, that is the end goal for me!
ps- I have no idea why it is backlighting from #5 down. It's annoying my very OCD soul to the core and I've tried to fix it but can't figure it out....dammit again!
pss- my good friend Scarlet, who has seen pictures of both my ex and some of the guys I've gone out with, corrected me today....some of them have been about 50 times hotter than the ex!! LOL...true, so true!
psss- I know it's supposed to be pps and ppps, but I don't like that and I'm a rebel :)
